The Daily Struggle
This may come as a major surprise to most readers, but I am not perfect (just kidding, we all knew that). Over the years, poor self-image has established itself as a quiet, yet ever present, damaging guest in my mind. Being a Dietitian, poster girl for type A personalities and someone who battled with weight in high school/college, there is a never ending, internal list of unrealistic standards. A high, sometimes unreachable bar has been set for who I am and need to be. The most recent and wonderful journey of motherhood has brought many of these insecurities to light.
Although most days I do live by the mantra of “Everything in Moderation”, moments arise where my own advice is not followed. Hammering my inability to achieve the EXACT body existing pre-baby. Or, occasionally, over-indulging in one of the greatest inventions on God’s green earth (if you didn’t guess ice cream, we simply can’t be friends), only to then regret every bite. Did I exercise enough? Did I eat enough vegetables? Have I made the healthiest, tastiest food possible for my husband and baby? Was I absolutely flawless for them today? Constant questions swirl around of “Am I good enough?” Sadly, the answer I often fall on is no.
Last week, as I critically poked my leg in the mirror to determine if it was slightly firmer, I had a realization about this struggle. Yes, treating the body God gave me with respect and living a healthy lifestyle is important. I truly love nutrition and anything food related, and that’s ok! I mean, it IS my job. However, obsession with the structure of food on my plate, number on the scale and minutes on the treadmill should never be the focus.
One day, do I want my beautiful baby girl to develop poor self image or fear she is not a walking picture of health? Absolutely not. Do I hope she grows to be a sweet, gentle, kind, loving soul with a heart for Jesus and the people around her? Heck yes. In order for this to happen, I must, in turn, be THAT picture. Taking all into consideration, I realize, more often these days, I must turn my eyes up and pray God grants wisdom to be the best mom, wife, daughter, sister and fried that I can be; Not for perfect calves or rock hard six pack.
Still, I am not perfect. Surely there will be days this struggle smacks me down. However, I am thankful for a loving God who consistently picks me right back up and offers reminders of what truly matters in this beautiful life we have been given.